and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
