is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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