i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
