You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
