I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
