history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
