how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
