dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not ubering you a puppy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize