I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
