The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
