I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
