the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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