I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
