Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
