is wine microwaveable?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
