oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
