you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize