I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize