hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
