I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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