Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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