Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
