I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
