i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
