Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
