I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
