Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize