I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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