He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
