Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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