As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
