I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize