I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
