Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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