I just threw up on my dentist
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize