Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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