Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
