Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
being pregnant is like rehab
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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