This beer is not sobering me up at all
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
