I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
