...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The Olympian is in my bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
