my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
