I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there's paper in my vomit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize