he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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