used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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