You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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