So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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