I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
