id be glad to
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
