I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
