Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He better not be in your backpack
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
