Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
