i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
