you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize