thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
