Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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