Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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