I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize