So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
