I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
