make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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