i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
