You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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