is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
