Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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