We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
