Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
