i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
