is your mom at the bar?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
