It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
