i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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