it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
