dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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