Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I supernannyed him into submission
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