my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
