im about as happy as oj after his trial
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
